So, before everyone assumes I’m only on Tinder to continue this “social experiment” I’ve tangled myself into, I swear that’s not why or was it my original intent. I truly do want to find a man to spend the rest of my life with. I have experienced the exhaustion of talking to multiple men every day, to then be ghosted after hours of talking on the phone (what’s up with that?) or me turned off by them, so I couldn’t help but wonder…Is knowing the sexual preference of someone you’re interested in or a complete stranger one of the very first questions to ask? Not how I was raised in Dallas. We have manners. It doesn’t need to be the legit first fucking thing you talk about.

I decided to up the ante with my Tinder account and purchase Tinder Gold a few months ago, for just one month. It’s really not that much different than the free version, but the one feature that stood out to me was the passport tool. I could search a city and show up in other states, cities and countries, as if I were actually there. Most of the studs I match with either think I’m visiting their town at the time of match, or I had just departed from their stomping grounds.

The smart ones get it and think it’s pretty dope to expand my dating pool to more than 100 miles, agreeing that Denver isn’t the only city I could find someone special in. Some ask me how or why this happens, and I reply with this; “Who is to say our future partners, next boyfriend or possible soulmates are restricted only to the cities we currently live in?” That sounds awful and quite scary to me, especially being in Denver for ten years now and currently an eligible, single bachelor once again.

I’m the male Jessica Simpson in search of my Nick Lachey. I want to be pursued like how straight men go after women. I like to clean, do laundry and take care of a guy, while he’s my ultimate protector and sees me as a trophy he wants to show off at all times. I work too of course, remotely running my own social media business, but I’m his ultimate prize and we compliment each other like Nick & Jessica did on the early years of Newlyweds. Yes, I know they broke up two decades ago, but I’m just giving an example of what type of guy I like and how compatible they were on the groundbreaking reality tv show, “Newlyweds,” in 2003-2004.

While some think my methods of meeting the plenty of fish in the sea are a bit misleading, I hold true to my belief that my future husband could, do I dare to say, actually live in another city outside of Denver. The cities I’m “arriving” in are places I’ve been or want to visit, so it’s advantageous for me to see what the men look, behave and talk like. I plan on traveling to these places I haven’t been to a bunch over the next few years, so why not make new friends in the process? Who knows, my future partner could be in one of those cities, huh?

One of my friends asks me every day what city I’m shopping in, which got me to thinking a sequel to my original “Playing Tinder” blog would fit quite nicely. She said it was hilarious and very clever to poke fun at the outrageous nuances of dating virtually. I laugh of course and continue to have conversations with these absolutely attractive, sweet and mature men in the South, Midwest and on the East Coast. I’ve “met” some pretty cool dudes in Austin, Nashville, Charleston and throughout New England. A few “standouts” are taking our chemistry from a platonic feeling to a more intimate, possible romantic vibe – which I love. There’s just something about those Charleston, Oklahoma and Alabama men. Damn. However, while the saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea” is still one hundred percent accurate in our generation, that also comes with a few rotten sharks that suck the life out of me.

Ever since my “Where In The World is my Nick Lachey,” journey began, I’ve learned a lot about other people’s views, interests and most importantly, their manners. Asking someone in the first introductory message if they’re a top or bottom, is just absurd, rude and terrifyingly tacky.

I ran into a few awkward conversations about politics and their importance of career statuses to others, even including the position I enjoy in the bedroom, right off the bat. I’m sorry, are we only looking at sex positions to determine who could possibly be someone to grow old with? That’s tragically unfortunate, as you’re most likely missing out on some great people with whom you could date | share a life with.

Instead, because two bottoms don’t make a top, you’ll say goodbye immediately or block them abruptly. They could have even been your soulmate in a platonic way, but because society dictates our ridiculous assumption that only tops can be with bottoms, we are missing out on a great person, or even the love of our lives. I’ve talked to some of my friends and people on social media and found this also contributes to an unnecessary amount of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety and lying to impress someone you’ve never met. How sad. So okay Michael, “meet someone in real life” they say. “You’re never going to meet Prince Charming on fucking Tinder, bro.”

Straight men and women don’t ask each other on a first date, especially during the first text exchanges, what their preferences in bed are, lol. I’m a very sexual guy and the man I end up with will embrace all my desires, fantasies, needs and be able to color outside the lines, no matter what my “preferences” are. We’ll be so in love with each other, that anything partaking in the bedroom will be unbelievably satisfying, like the main attraction at the Ringling Brothers acrobatic circus. Is wanting a sporty, jock guy to date so hard to ask? Well, in lefty liberal Colorado, it sure is.

So, should Tinder insert a top or bottom question preference at the top of their interview sheet, or maybe the bottom, ha? Do you hold true on your beliefs that if both men share the top or bottom bunk as one unit, that there’s absolutely no way an intimate relationship could explode into greatness?