Reading Matthew Perry’s book, “Friends, Lovers & The Big Terrible Thing,” was an extremely powerful, eye-opening journey of a talented man that struggled with drugs for most of his life. It was also a huge wake up call for myself. That’s only about the 23rd time I’ve said that, ha. His book was a scary, realistic account of his troubles and a spiritual experience for me. My desires and cravings to drink faded away with each page I turned. Little did I know Matthew was actually fading away.

I began reading Matthew Perry’s memoir about four weeks ago, after arriving at a thirty day, residential recovery treatment center for addiction and mental health. As most of you know, I struggle with alcoholism and Bipolar 1 disorder. Looking back, most of my depression and manic episodes would occur simultaneously with an alcohol binge. Roughly 80% of people living with addiction issues also have some form of mental illness. It obviously makes sense that the two would go hand in hand, which has unfortunately led to some instability throughout my adult life thus far. I have said and done things to great people over the past two years in which I’m so sorry for. My experiences are nothing near the wild stories I read in the former Friends star memoir though. During these debilitating phases I have endured, I’ve loved, lost and most importantly grown from all of the devastating, dangerous and emotional turmoils that come with these diseases.

Yes, diseases. One doesn’t wake up one day and say, “Oh, I can’t wait to ruin my life, lose lovers, friendships, jobs and experience assaults (sexually and physically) due to heavy drinking or pushing through a depressive episode.” Shockingly, people still swear to this day that becoming addicted to drugs | alcohol is a choice. It’s quite comical, in my opinion, that these ignorant individuals shun and degrade us living with the big terrible thing. I’m lucky to be alive; not everyone and their families can say the same, most recently Matthew Perry. He died Saturday, October 28th, 2023 at his home in LA.

I write this not to garner attention or sympathy, but to use my voice, experiences and platform to help others struggling with addiction that it’s okay to admit it out loud. Once you recognize your problem and stay vulnerable with your truth, you can literally change your life in whichever way you choose. Don’t hide it though, which is something I did for years. It’s so much easier when you’re productively getting help and the support you need from family and professionals. When anyone struggling with any type of mental health issue inserts alcohol | drugs into their bodies, the consequences can be damaging, lethal even. In 2014, I was told I could never drink again when Dr. Liefer diagnosed me Bipolar 1 in Evergreen, Colorado.

What did I do off and on for the decade that followed? You know it; ferociously drank so much booze that I sometimes wonder how and why I’m alive. All I know is had I taken my Doctor’s advice ten years ago, I probably wouldn’t be writing this article now. Would I be married, already in California pursuing my dreams? What about a little boy to raise or working in HR for Ralph Lauren in New York? Who knows. I can’t change the past, but I can help myself and others moving forward to be authentic about these issues and to help end the stigmatization of mental illness | addiction.

Over the past month, I had a good amount of time to read and think. I learned a great deal about myself, addiction and why I was “gifted” this awfully terribly, no good disease. I feel now is my time to help others in similar situations and assist in the overall wellbeing of their lives.

I do realize I haven’t been through nearly the amount of shit Matthew Perry did, but I know exactly what he’s discussing throughout his book. I have also been in more horrible situations than the average joe; something I’m not boasting about, trust. The dark, black hole that seems impossible to get out of. Laying in bed so depleted from all the toxic stuff you put in your body, that you idealize suicide. Being in so much pain, emotionally and physically, that the only logical thing at the time is to drink more. Perry’s addiction to opioids became such a detriment to his life and career that he was taking fifty-five Vicodin per day. After Doctor’s constantly telling him to stop, multiple rehab stints, near death experiences and also having all the money in the world for help, he still could not just press a button that would make it go away. Contrary to popular belief, He didn’t choose this and neither did I.

Matthew Perry’s memoir has been out for about a year now. I just finished it a week ago, before his tragic passing. I left reading his story believing he had once and for all conquered his demons. It saddens me that such a brave, strong, talented and funny man is gone at such an early age. His story is so incredibly inspiring and has 100% given me a new outlook on my life. It’s showed me a different perspective about the repercussions I’ve experienced and has me now confronting it head on. If you or anyone you know needs help, seek it. You can also DM me below. RIP Matthew Perry and Chandler Bing. You’ll always be our friend.

@michael_jenney

Photo: Buzzfeed